The Religious Tract Without A Good Title Because Jack Chick Was Really Wasted When He Wrote It (Page 4 of 7)

By Addison Ling

The Religious Tract Without A Good Title Because Jack Chick Was Really Wasted When He Wrote It (Page 3 of 7)

By Addison Ling

The Religious Tract Without A Good Title Because Jack Chick Was Really Wasted When He Wrote It (Page 2 of 7)

By Addison Ling

The Religious Tract Without A Good Title Because Jack Chick Was Really Wasted When He Wrote It (Page 1 of 7)

By Addison Ling

Yeah, I know this one is rather random and stream-of-consciousness. But the premise is that Jack Chick wrote this while drunk and/or stoned.

Christian Dictionary: Pascal's Wager

Pascal's Wager

1. the conclusion that it's best to believe Jesus loves you so he doesn't fuck your shit up.
2. apologetic technique everyone thinks they invented.
3. popular method used to trick God into believing you're a true Christian.

Second Law of Thermodynamics

the principle that evolution is a closed system impervious to solar energy.

(Christian Dictionary)

Make a Scripture Figure in 60 Seconds!

Here's an arts and crafts idea for the Christian on the go.

1. Print the following image.

Christian Dictionary: religion

religion

1. (Establishment Clause context) any non-Christian body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices, i.e., not Christianity
2. (Free Exercise Clause context) Christianity

Christian Dictionary: God

God

1. the creator, as in "of the government of the United States."
2. the exception to that feeling that something can't come from nothing.
3. the answer to anything those elite, arrogant, college-educated scientists can't answer.

Christian Dictionary: liberty

liberty

A university.

Acts 4:1-4, Gornisht Helfn

While Peter and John - okay, mostly Peter - were still laying down their half-kosher Jesus-spiel, the priests, the captain of the temple, and those goddamn Sadducees showed up. And they were pissed. How dare these shlemiels shlep into their hizzle-justa-bissel and peddle that shmaltzy "resurrection in Jesus" shmutz-izzle? Oy vey.

Besides, if there's one thing that pisses off a Sadducee, it's when schmucks start kibbitzing all that "resurrection" goat shit.

Cut out Peter and John and arrest them.

Christian Dictionary: murder

murder

1. to take a life except during war and whenever God does it.
2. termination of a pregnancy except whenever God does it.
3. to spill semen outside of an approved child-bearable vagina.

Christian Dictionary: school assembly

school assembly

A group of people gathered together for the purpose of religious instruction or exhortation.

Christian Dictionary: First Amendment

First Amendment

The constitiutional amendment that prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of a non-Christian religion, impeding the free exercise of Christianity, abridging the freedom of evangelical rhetoric, infringing on the freedom of New Testament dogma, and interfering with the right to pray to Baby Jesus in any and all government institutions.

Theocrats

(click photo to enlarge)