It's literal "biblism" all the way down

This comic is an example of the good common sense dished out over at Mighty Mag.

And oh by the way, the flood killed every living thing in very strict order according to complexity. That's why there are no rabbits in the Precambrian. The rabbits didn't start drowning until long after all the microscopic bacteria drowned and formed a layer of precambrian sediment at the bottom.

Except of course for the two bacteria Noah was carrying, probably in his naughty sack.

Stupid Evolutionist

Genesis 6:9-13, God Damns Those Goddamned People

Since God^a was all in love with Noah and all, you should know a little bit about the generations of Noah and what it was like back then. Noah was the only righteous and blameless man of his time. Sure, he got bare-ass naked and piss-face drunk every now and then, but Jesus Christ, the rest of humanity was a shit fest compared to this good man.

You see, Noah walked with God, which of course is holy-speak for saying Noah was really, really close to God. At least when he wasn't passed out cold, drunk, and naked.

Now Noah had rolled his fat ass over on top of his wife three times and somehow managed to begat himself three sons: Shem, Ham, and Japheth. They're not important right now, but whatever. You've been told.

So the earth was corrupt in God's^b sight, and filled with violence. And God saw that the earth was corrupt in his sight, filled with violence, blah blah blah, and that all flesh had corrupted their way over all the earth.

And God said to Noah, "Noah, all human flesh has made the earth a very violent place, and I fucking hate violence, so I'm going to kill every living thing. There was a time when I really thought my creation was good. Well, I'm fucking taking that back as of right fucking now. I'm gonna destroy the whole fucking, ungrateful, violent earth."

And Noah thought to himself, "Holy shit, I need a drink."

---
a. Or, Yahweh.
b. Or, Elohim. Seriously. We changed Gods. Just fix it in post.

Genesis 6:5-8, They're Talking About Me!

Yahweh realized that everyone in the world was really pretty fucking wicked. All they ever did was think up evil shit all day, every day. And worse, they were probably saying bad things about him, too.

Yahweh knew he wasn't perfect, but he was learning. And one thing he knew for sure is that he was truly sorry he ever made mankind and placed him on the earth. The whole thing gnawed away at his perpetually beating, self-created heart.

So Yahweh said, "I will blot out from the face earth everyone I have created! You know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna kill all the people and all the animals! Who knows what those nasty animals are thinking? Whatever it is, I'm sure it's evil, too. In fact, I'm gonna kill all the people and all the animals and all the creepy-crawly things and all the birds in the heavens. I'm sorry that I ever made any of them!"

Except, of course, for Noah. Yahweh had a weakness for Noah. Noah was no Utnapishtim, but he was generally good. Especially considering the rest of mankind was so fucking evil.

Would it be that big of a deal to spare just Noah?