Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Genesis 6:1-4, The Sons of God

For Steven, age seven. May he not read this for another fourteen years.

When people began to multiply on the face of the earth, the sons of God saw that the daughters of humans were hot. Not Jesus, of course, but the other sons of God. Jesus was a goody goodie two-sandals. So these sons of God took wives for themselves any and all that they chose. God made humans, so he has the right to let his sons rape them.

Then, rather randomly, the Lord said to no one in particular, "My spirit shall not abide in mortals forever. Neither shall the members of my sons abide in the vajayjays of the daughters of humans forever. For mortals are but nasty flesh and grow old. So their days shall be one hundred twenty years, and their years shall be forty three thousand and eight hundred days. And that goes for any nasty little snot-nosed, half-human grandchildren as well."

The daughters of humans who were good looking enough to be blessed with rapings by the sons of God bore them children called the Nephilim. These were the heroes of old. Warriors of renown. Giants. Legends. Bullshit.