Wednesday, June 6, 2012

20 Questions Atheists Struggle To Answer

Stand back! I shall now attempt to answer 20 questions atheists not only struggle to answer, but haven't even provided any decent responses in the past 40 years.

1. What caused the universe to exist?
Sin. And bears.

2. What explains the fine tuning of the universe?
The untuned tuner.

3. Why is the universe rational?
Because the universe can be expressed as the ratio of two integers, provided the denominator is not zero.

4. How did DNA and amino acids arise?
By cooking them with baking powder.

5. Where did the genetic code come from?
Samuel F.B. Genetic.

6. How do irreducibly complex enzyme chains evolve?
How is an irresponsibility imagined god real?

7. How do we account for the origin of 116 distinct language families?
By counting the number of floors in the Tower of Babel.

8. Why did cities suddenly appear all over the world between 3,000 and 1,000BC?
Because people like to fuck.

9. How is independent thought possible in a world ruled by chance and necessity?
How is it that you can dress yourself?

10. How do we account for self-awareness?
Because of mirrors, dip shit.

11. How is free will possible in a material universe?
If you buy 10 wills in a material universe, your next one is free.

12. How do we account for conscience?
With an oral or written description.

13. On what basis can we make moral judgements?
On any base provided we're not tagged out by a fielder in the process.

14. Why does suffering matter?
Because it sucks. Ever hit your finger with a hammer?

15. Why do human beings matter?
I'm starting to wonder.

16. Why care about justice?
Because if we didn't, it really wouldn't be fair.

17. How do we account for the almost universal belief in the supernatural?
How do we account for the universal lack of evidence for the supernatural?

18. How do we know the supernatural does not exist?
How do we know the nonexistent does not exist?

19. How can we know if there is conscious existence after death?
Ask a dead body. If it answers, there you go.

20. What accounts for the empty tomb, resurrection appearances and growth of the church?
Legends, lies, and lunatics. Oh, and bears.

Other attempts can be found at The Secular Outpost, Dead-Logic, and Lady Atheist.