Thursday, September 22, 2011

Acts 1:10-14, Prayer and Séances

Men in White Coats

After the cloud took Jesus away, the apostles were still gazing up toward the skies when two men in white coats suddenly appeared. They said, "Why are you looking at the sky? What? Jesus? Oh right, you’re those men from Galilee. You saw Jesus again, huh? Well isn't that nice? It’s a shame that we just missed him. What? He’s coming back?

"Tell you what, why don’t you nice gentlemen come with us?”

But the apostles didn't go with the men in white coats. Instead, they returned to Jerusalem. You see, Jesus ascended into heaven from the high point of Mount Olivet. (That way there’s less ascending to do.) Mount Olivet is about a sabbath day's journey away from Jerusalem. (That's like forever compared to a non-sabbath day’s journey.)

When they got back to Jerusalem, the apostles went to the room upstairs where they were staying. There was Peter, and John, and James, and Andrew, Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew, James son of Alphaeus, and Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James.a As always, the usual gaggle of chicks was there. And Mary the mother of Jesus was there too, of course. Why wouldn't she be there? Oh, and Jesus’s brothers were there, too.

Why the gang was still in Jerusalem after the tragic crucifixion is a mystery to be quite frank. Especially since the disciples had scattered, and one of them even was being sought for cutting off the ear of one of the high priest’s slaves.b

So they all devoted themselves to prayer and séances. They tried so hard to make Jesus reappear, but nothing worked. On the bright side, they made a pact to be best friends forever, have a great summer, and stay crazy.

a. Nathanael wasn't an apostle until the Legend According to John was written.
b. No, it wasn't Peter. At least is wasn't Peter until later, when the Legend According to John was written. Then it was Peter.

Mary and the girls
"Wardrobe malfunction incident!"
says Mary's publicist, St. Ignatius.