I was poking around in Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary when I ran across this delightful version of the Ten Commandments:
- Thou shalt no God but me adore:'
Twere too expensive to have more.
- No images nor idols make
For Robert Ingersoll to break.
- Take not God's name in vain; select
A time when it will have effect.
- Work not on Sabbath days at all,
But go to see the teams play ball.
- Honor thy parents. That creates
For life insurance lower rates.
- Kill not, abet not those who kill;
Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill.
- Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless
Thine own thy neighbor doth caress
- Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete
Successfully in business. Cheat.
- Bear not false witness—that is low—
But "hear 'tis rumored so and so."
- Covet thou naught that thou hast not
By hook or crook, or somehow, got.
Not bad. Not bad at all.