Sunday, January 15, 2012

Yet Another Ten Commandments

Charlton Heston, The Ten Commandments

I was poking around in Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary when I ran across this delightful version of the Ten Commandments:

  1. Thou shalt no God but me adore:'
    Twere too expensive to have more.

  2. No images nor idols make
    For Robert Ingersoll to break.
  3. Take not God's name in vain; select
    A time when it will have effect.
  4. Work not on Sabbath days at all,
    But go to see the teams play ball.
  5. Honor thy parents. That creates
    For life insurance lower rates.
  6. Kill not, abet not those who kill;
    Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill.
  7. Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless
    Thine own thy neighbor doth caress
  8. Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete
    Successfully in business. Cheat.
  9. Bear not false witness—that is low—
    But "hear 'tis rumored so and so."
  10. Covet thou naught that thou hast not
    By hook or crook, or somehow, got.

Not bad. Not bad at all.