Monday, January 16, 2012

Acts 3:11-12, Jeez-O-Matic

While the not-lame-anymore man clung to Peter and John, a crowd gathered around them in the portico called Solomon's Portico. All the people were utterly giddy with laughter. Truly they thought the poor crippled man would be begging and acting lame forever. But he wasn’t a poor crippled man anymore. He was just poor. And that was hilarious.

When Peter saw the crowd’s reaction, he seized the opportunity for one of his ever-so-Greek-like speeches.

And Peter addressed the crowd:

Israelites! I did not come here tonight to make you laugh. I came here to sell you something. And I want you to pay particular attention, because The Amazing Jesus, a subsidiary of You Thought You Knew Me Deities has entrusted who? Me! To show you!...The handiest and dandiest healing tool you’ve ever seen!

And don’t you want to know how it works?

First, you take an ordinary crippled beggar. You place the beggar between yourself and a wall. Then you reach for the tool that’s both a healer and a dealer; that came all the way from holy womb to empty tomb! What in the hell can it possibly be?


So...Stop laughing, okay?

Gallager smashing a watermelon