Friday, September 9, 2011

Genesis 1:27-31, The Sixth Day, Part 2

So God created man in his image; in the image of God he created them. Male and female he created them.

Get your own harp

God created man in his image
In the image of God he created them
Male and female, he created them

Many males, he created them
Females too, he created them
In his image he created them

Now singeth the men (He created them)
Now singeth the women(He created them)

Thou hast been a great audience.

And the men and women were anxious, so God blessed them and said unto them, “Be horny and screw unceasingly.” And the women offered their canals to the men and the men put their phalluses into the canals of the women. But God said, “Women, do not offer your canals; and men, do not insert your phalluses into the canals of the women. Not until the blessing is complete.” And the women withdrew their canals and withheld them from the men. And the men who had not finished held their phalluses. In great pain.

God said, “Be horny and screw unceasingly, and fill the earth and maketh thou the earth your bitch. Maketh the fish of the sea your bitches and also the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth. Maketh them your bitches.”

Then God said, “See, I have given you every plant that yields seed upon the face of the earth. So you oweth me big time. And every tree with seed in its fruit, you may haveth them for food.”

And the archangels said amongst themselves, “Certainly God did not say every tree.”

“And to every beast of the earth," said God, "And to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that breathes, I have given every green plant for food. Certainly they should not eat each other. Not unless someone pisses me off or something.”

And it was so.

Every beast of the earth and every bird and everything that creeps on the earth and breathes air ate every green plant for food. The lions and tigers and bears and many of the other beasts were sorely troubled. For their teeth could not grind leaves and their stomachs did not receive green plants without great suffering.

God saw everything that he had made, and indeed it was good. Other than the moon and the five wandering stars. And the stupid penguins. And the beasts, with their suffering stomachs. Oh, and the things God did not mention, yet, like the serpent and the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Other than those things, it was good. Very good.

And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

God's naked people
The Holy Hand Check